Living With a Reactive Dog: What No One Tells You (and What Helped Me Survive It)
Living with a reactive dog comes with so many challenges that most people don’t see or talk about. It’s not just about a barking, lunging, or pulling dog on walks. It’s the emotional rollercoaster of planning every outing and training session, scanning every corner, and constantly being “on” in case something goes wrong (my heart still skips a beat every time I see a dog even when I'm not walking Jasper).
This honestly affects your entire life — from your routine to your mental health to how you feel about your relationship with your dog and even yourself. It can feel so isolating and overwhelming when it feels like you have this invisible weight on your shoulders.
In this post, I'm going to talk about what life with a reactive dog actually looks like — the messy, emotional, real life version (some of it might sound familiar). I’ll walk you through why it feels so damn exhausting, how trigger stacking and stress play a huge and silent role in your dog’s behaviour, and what you can start doing today to move out of survival mode and towards a more harmonious life with your dog.
The Constant Pressure of Managing Reactivity
Living with a reactive dog changes your whole life — not just your walks.
It's like you become the lookout, constantly scanning the environment for movement before your dog even catches a whiff (and then we also wonder who they get that from).
You adjust your entire routine around quiet times, avoid routes that might have people or dogs, and tense up the moment you hear a bark in the distance or see the dreaded sight of a dog walking towards you. You constantly cross streets. Use cars to your advantage as a hiding spot. I even changed my job at the time to make our lives easier.
Any of this sounding familiar yet? Because I can go on...but to sum it up you live on the edge, constantly on the struggle bus.
It’s exhausting — emotionally, physically, mentally...and I personally think we all deserve a gold star.
What Changed Everything (Spoiler…It Wasn’t Just Training)
Yes, training helps, having a solid obedience and engagement foundation will do wonders with you and your dogs transformation — but it wasn’t what truly changed things for me, it was only part of the puzzle.
The shift happened when I finally started to understand the bigger picture:
That stress builds in layers throughout the day
That even if my dog didn’t “react,” the internal load was stacking
It's okay to set boundaries until it becomes habit
Excitement is fine, excitement/overexcitement without regulation...is not
That without understanding the why behind his behaviour and his emotional state, training alone would never be enough
Reactivity isn’t a switch that dogs have the control of turning off and on (becaue that would be easy and unfortunately the worthwhile things aren't easy). It’s system overload. And if you don’t learn to track and support the layers underneath, you’ll always feel stuck and repeat the same patterns over and over.
That’s when I stopped just "trying to fix the problem” and started learning to manage the whole dog first before I focusing on strategies for reactivity, so he could cope with the mountain we were about to climb.
What You Track, You Can Change
Have you ever had one of those weeks where your dog just seems off?
They’re more on edge. They bark more. They struggle to settle down. They're constantly up to something. They're not listening...and you have no idea why. That used to be me, constantly guessing and feeling like I was failing.
Until I started tracking.
Tracking your dog’s triggers, unwanted behaviours, goals, wins, sleep, arousal levels, and daily routine reveals patterns you’d never notice in the moment. It helps you take a step back, look at the big picture, and finally connect the dots.
I used to journal daily and track everything and slowly I started seeing patterns. I could slowly realign my path every day to make sure I stayed on track. Journaling your progress is something I believe every owner should do, it creates so much clarity. The only issue with this is after 3 full notebooks it started becoming a chore...
That’s why I created the Digital Notion Dog Training Journal — to help owners like you stay consistent, clear headed, and make decisions based on patterns, not panic...all from the comfort of a digital device.
I even added a daily, weekly and monthly reflection segment (with prompts included) to make sure you're asking the right questions to make sure you're heading in the right direction.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, this can be the clarity you need.
The Bad Days No One Sees...
To be completely honest with you, as hard as you may even try — some days just break you.
You head out with the best of intentions, a solid plan, and a positive attitude...and then you come home crushed. Maybe your dog exploded over something small. Maybe nothing even happened, but your dog was so disengaged and tense all walk that you still came back stressed and shaky because your nervous system never got a break (and chances are your dogs didn't either).
These are the days no one else sees. These are the days that make it so isolating when you don't have a support system or a community of people going through the same thing. These are the days that often push you to burnout.
What's even worse is the self doubt that starts to creep in...
Am I making it worse?
Is my dog ever going to be okay?
Why can’t I just enjoy my dog like other people do?
Can I do this forever?
Would my dog be better elsewhere?
And the cherry on the cake comes from those that just simply don't get it, those who give oversimplified advice like “exercise them more” or “just socialise them properly.”...like no shit Susan, what do you think I'm doing?
But let this be a reminder you're on the right track and you can find a way out...
Feeling Overwhelmed? You Don’t Have To Do This Alone!
Living with a reactive dog can be damn exhausting, emotional, and isolating — but you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
If you're ready for a clear path forward, virtual 1:1 support could make all the difference to make sure you are heading in the right direction.
With my virtual coaching sessions we will untangle the chaos, rebuild your dog’s foundations and confidence, and create a plan you can actually follow that fits your life and your dog's needs — all without overwhelm!
The Invisible Weight of Trigger Stacking
You may have a bad day and think...okay my dog will be better tomorrow.
BUT...if your dog has poor regulation (which reactive dogs generally do) and doesn't get a chance to decompress, they will carry this pressure (stress, frustration, arousal - the unholy trinity) into the next day.
This is trigger stacking and it's such an important concept to know about as a reactive dog owner because it explains so much — why your dog gets stuck in a state of overstimulation, why they can snap unexpectedly, why they struggle to settle down etc...
Trigger stacking happens when stress and frustration pile on throughout the day — or even the week if your dog has poor regulation. It’s the barking dog from the morning, the surprise scooter on your walk, a car door slamming on the way home. Each one adds another brick to their internal load which is why when they get back they seem overstimulated or act stubborn.
It’s not just reactivity. it can look like hyperactivity, poor impulse control, barking at out the window, zoomies (that seem frantic, not fun), pacing, struggling to sleep, or just not being able to settle.
That’s why understanding trigger stacking in dogs is such a turning point. It helps you stop blaming the last straw — and start recognising the whole stack. Once you understand this you can start managing the issue more efficiently and intentionally.
👉🏾 Want to learn more about trigger stacking and how it impacts behaviour? [Grab my free Trigger Stacking Guide here.]
The Power of Decompression, Boundaries, and Routine
One thing that I learned the hard way is that structure is more than just training cues. It’s about creating a life that supports regulation and teaches the foundations of better habits.
The more structure you place, the more freedom your dog will get in the future.The more regulated your dog is, the more choices they'll be able to make.
Some of the biggest game changers?
Rest like it’s your dog's second religion (after chaos obviously)
Set boundaries — for your dog and yourself
Offer decompression time and natural outlets
Stick to a consistent routine
Stop trying to push progress on days your dog’s cup is already full
Start observing and responding — not just blindly reacting
The Little Things That Helped More Than I Expected...
Living with a reactive dog takes a toll — not just on your routines, but on your mindset, your social life, your identity, and your energy. This is why the importance of self care for dog owners is such a big passion of mine and one I always preach (I do want to start writing more into this because I think self care and perspective are such a huge part of the journey).
These are a few things that helped me keep going, even when everything felt like too much:
#1 - Prioritising my own self-care
I used to think taking time for myself was selfish — until I realised I couldn’t show up for my dog properly if I was running on empty. Whether it was a hot shower, 10 minutes of journaling, taking the time to watch a movie (with a glass of wine), or just stepping outside alone...giving myself space helped me reset.
#2 - Doing things my dog actually enjoys
I stopped forcing the idea of what we “should” be doing — like social walks or busy parks, pub gardens — and focused on what brought my dog joy. Quiet sniffari walks, frozen kongs, flirt pole, learning new things and structured play made a massive difference for both of us.
#3 - Making time for myself outside of my dog
This kind of links in with self care but you shouldn't feel guitly for actually wanting to take time to live your life.
It’s easy to get lost in your dogs needs, their routines, and their issues. That you start struggling to hav you time...reading, going to the gym, talking to friends, going out to enjoy the weather...yes we're dog parents, but we're also people too.
#4 - Tracking the wins (no matter how small)
With my dog and my own journey, journaling has done so much in terms of speeding up my growth. Writing down tiny wins — like “didn’t bark at the postman today” — gave me a thread of hope to hold onto. It reminded me we were growing, even if it was slow. Journaling 1 thing that I'd do better the next day with Jasper helped me keep myself on the right path.
This is something I always recommend to people I work with, purely for the fact that by journaling your progress and spotting the patterns you're making, you can constantly course correct and shift on to the right track.
#5 - Releasing the pressure to be perfect
I think when you have a reactive dog you put a lot of pressure on yourself to make sure everything is perfect. The amount of times I practiced leash walking because I was just so embarrased how Jasper was on walks, it honesly lost a lot of fun.
I learned that I didn't want perfect, and I dont' think any of us actually do, I think a lot of owners would be happy with making do for 'just better than things are right now'
The moment I accepted that, everything started to feel lighter.
Ready for a Reset?
Sometimes, it’s not about adding more obedience, or more walks to the plate. It’s about taking a step back and pressing pause.
That’s exactly what my FREE 5-Day Stress Detox is for. It’s a short, structured protocol to help your dog reset, regulate better, rest deeper, and come back to training with a clearer head — and calmer behaviour, in as little as 5 days.
If it feels like you’ve been stuck in an endless survival mode loop, this may be the soft reboot you're looking for.
Final Thoughts
Living with a reactive dog is messy. It’s emotional. It's isolating...it’s just a lot.
BUT there is a way out. Your dog isn’t beyond help. You can learn to handle your reactive dog with confidence. And you don’t need to do this perfectly to actually make progress, you just have to make sure you're going in the right direction and stick with it.
You’re showing up. You’re learning. And that’s where change starts.
You don’t need to have all the answers — just a little support and a next step that feels doable. Whether that’s journaling, downloading the detox, or just giving yourself a break today…it all counts.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): Life With A Reactive Dog
Start by shifting your mindset: socialisation doesn’t mean forcing interactions. Focus on calm, neutral exposures at a safe distance and then build on that. Let your dog observe without pressure. Over time, this builds confidence and can help reduce reactivity.
Avoid flooding them with triggers, or putting them in situations they can’t cope with. Reactive dogs thrive with structure, predictability and calm environments, and — not pressure.
Yes. Progress may be slow and non-linear at times, but with consistent management, decompression, desensitisation/counter-conditioning, and meeting their needs, reactive dogs can improve dramatically.
Because stress builds up over the day. One small event might not trigger a reaction, but multiple over time (noise, poor rest, excitement) can tip your dog over the edge. Understanding trigger stacking helps you see the patterns behind those unpredictable days.
No. I'm a big advocate in skipping walks that don't have any purpose if they are constantly chaos filled outings. Sometimes walks do more harm than good. On high-stress days, skipping the walk in favour of decompression activities, a proper outlet, enrichment, and structured play at home can be more beneficial and less overwhelming.
Related Reading
Dog Reactivity Chart: Navigating the Spectrum from Red Flags to Green Zones
Trigger Stacking in Dogs: From Stress to Success – What You Need to Know
Best Time to Walk a Reactive Dog: Set Your Walks Up for Success
How to Socialize a Reactive Dog: Tips and Strategies for Success
Mastering Reactivity: 10 Tips On How To Walk A Reactive Dog With Confidence
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